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My so-called "eloquent" thoughts :)

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what's with all the vampire shows? one was already bad enough.

today was a good day :) i'm happy. now if only i could get some work done it'd be great. ooh list. refer to list. where is list? ahah! found!

i feel like i need a new perspective on things. just when i thought i've figured some things out, something else pops out and catches me by surprise. i want to do so many things and yet there's this voice in my head that keeps telling me not to waste my time; that some efforts are just not worth it. i hate this voice. what's wrong with wanting to better the world? and i don't mean in a big way; that would be a little unrealistic. and what's wrong with being idealistic? reality is not static. it is whatever we make it to be. i may have my cynical moments at times but i hope to never lose the ideals i hold. and i hope to never be one of those people who just voice their opinions for its own sake and yet can't be bothered to actually do anything about it.

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packing... blergh.

home... :)

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sometimes when the wind blows and the branches on the trees sway to its rhythm, i swear i can see the leaves falling over themselves as though they were laughing.

i'm going to go home soon. of course, there are things that will have to dealt with before then but yes, nine more days to go. eyes on the finish line. i'm already thinking about the hugs and the warmth and all the love waiting for me. not good. not good at all. finish your exams first young lady!

note to self: this is really what you want to do. please don't screw it up.

i should really get some sleep. i hate people who spray deodorants at 3 a.m. in the morning and set off fire alarms.

why does my head keep jumping from topic to topic? why does there never seem to be any flow in the passages of my blog posts?

because i like.

Am feeling:
contemplative contemplative
* * *
i'm. procrastinating.

i'm avoiding the inevitable.

i gave myself ten minutes. ten minutes became an hour plus.

God help me.

What's playing:
Shine - Take That
* * *
i think i use the word "I" too many times.

if i were two people, i'd so beat myself up right now.

i'm an idiot.

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i don't know if we can do this. at first i was sceptical. then i became more open to the idea. then accepting. but now i'm sceptical again. you expect so much and sometimes you come off as feeling ungrateful for what you do have. yet you are kind and loyal and true.

should i be thinking too much. how about a magic 8-ball?

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think happy thoughts. always think happy thoughts.
listen to silly songs. songs that bring back pleasant memories.
laugh at lame jokes. don't be afraid to laugh at yourself.
fill you days will colours. don't think just do when your hands are holding the brush.
don't run away from mistakes. look at them from up-close. study them, dissect them. then set them aside.
love. love all you can. you can't lose anything from it because there's always an endless supply of it.
what was the line? "one thing about love is you can always make more."
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are you a true friend?
you seek only those whom you think have more influence.
your eyes wander to certain others when talking, as if only their attention mattered.
the words that you use, some i have heard before; indeed, some i know have been uttered by another.  
in conversations, you would mention a certain incident relating to the topic at hand, a joke perhaps only shared by a select few. it is as if you want to tighten the bonds between yourself and them and deliberately keep everyone else out. and while you're laughing in delight, your eyes would wander to gauge others' reaction.
you try to be friends with everyone. if only by maintaining some semblance of a connection with them all. you also never miss a chance to share what you know. as well as mentioning those whom you're acquainted with.
a girl once said to her grandmother that the easiest way for all the different cliques in her class to get along was by determining an outsider who will bear the brunt of it all. she accepted the role without complaint. she simply didn't care anymore. movies and real life are not all that different sometimes. 
jokes were made, at times, at the expense of another. i should have said something then, i realize. am i guilty as well?
how do you do it? don't you ever get tired?

there are times when i don't know whether our friendship is true. have i always felt that way?
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Van Gogh Poems by John Caselberg 1957

I
Wild the hedgegrows, wild the spring,
Wild the yellow hammers sing
Wild the roaring of the sea;
Wilder still the blood in me.

II
I was taken by the palms and led
To where the lonely moon's whilte light bled
Through an abyss in the sky:
Yearning there in agony
For me.

III
God, it is all dark.
The heart beat but there is no answering hark
Of a hearer and no one to speak.

IV
Six years I have wrestled
WIth a bare branch,
Sought sap in an old tree,
Heard a shrill chaffinch

Cry out occasionally
From a black bough
Seen her hair and her features
ANd her turned away brow.

V
Seven dumb beasts of burden
Walked across my garden.
One was Envy, one was Hate
- Pity, Love, and Self-conceit.
Pride was there - Humility.
All were beasts and all were me.

VI
All day long it was Spring.
At dusk a red moon
Fell like the world's eye
On a madman's bosom.

And the living hectic vision
Of a scarlett tall orange
Solitary cypress-tree
Has faded and died with me.

All night long it was Spring.
At dawn a red sun
Fell like the world's eye
On a deadman's bosom.
 

* * *
there was a man who was sitting on the sofa. in the dining room. he was surrounded by so many people yet he seemed oblivious to the noise of those around him. his attention was fixed on his wife and child who were sitting a distance away from him, enjoying their dinner. he smiled. he looked happy. content to simply watch the people he loved. if i recall correctly, he looked as though he was amazed at what life has brought him. it was like he could not believe his good fortune.

we should all be so lucky.

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