i try not to be afraid but i can't help it sometimes. hardly a new experience for anyone, i know. who among us doesn't get overwhelmed by fear and uncertainty every now and then? but then i see these people who are just going around, so sure of themselves and of what life has to offer, and i wonder if they're just being idiots, in denial perhaps, or are simply really good actors.
how the first half of 2012 has been:
- job training's going ok. but that's only because it's still mostly introductory stuff i think. it's like they want to entice you first, get you to think 'oh, this isn't so bad', and once you've let your guard down... BAAMM!! in the words of Arthur Weasley, "the truth will out".
but no, seriously, the people are great :) i love the friends i'm making. the administrators are really nice. and we get to meet the coolest speakers, some of whom who are also really important players in the industry. it's mind-boggling how invested they are in us, and how chances are, a few of us could be filling their shoes one day.
- i've become very frugal. no, that's a complete lie. i started my stingy ways back in uni when monthly bank statements made me sad and having meals out made me feel guilty, even when they were unavoidable. but earning your own money and knowing how many hours it took to get that sum does things to you. in my case, it eases the guilt of spending somewhat because it's my money (and i can spend i want to!) so there is no abuse of funds. not that there ever was *cough* 'sky-diving..'
- finally had my quarter-life crisis. i was wondering if it was just something someone made up, just to make life more dramatic now that he/she can't use teenage angstness as an excuse. but no. i can now vouch for its validity. although i doubt that it's something everyone will go through. just those with a faulty life compass i think. mine's in repair, so i'm kinda flying blind right now. but there's something about not knowing where you're heading that makes the journey all the more exciting, don't you think?
- have been doing a lousy job at keeping in touch with people. but i'm working on that, really. honest! life just gets in the way, you know? i've also been continuously pestered to go on skype but i seem to have forgotten my password. again. even logging onto livejournal was hard. serves me right for the months (years?) of inactivity.
- i got to learn that the outdoors isn't so bad :D in fact, it can be dowright AWESOME (sometimes). you may laugh if you're living either in the nothern or southern hemisphere, but those living near the equator can vouch for the sometimes unbearable weather conditions that surround you when you step out of your house. it's that much worse when you're doing heavily physical activities in the middle of nowhere, what with the leeches and giant ants and centipedes and mosquitoes and other bugs that i can't recognize, hence increasing my heartrate tenfold when they latch onto one of my limbs. but creepy crawlies aside, i loved the adrenaline. i loved how we learnt certain things about ourselves and about one another that we never knew before. i loved how it helped us be a better team and give us a confidence boost especially when we had to do most of the things ourselves. i loved how much energy i felt i had while i was there, which was ironic because it was non-stop activities from dawn till dusk, every day for that 9-day period. the ever-increasing collection of bruises and the ever-darkening skin tone didn't even bother any one of us until we got home and realised that we had to buy new make-up foundation quick before training starts the next day.
it really makes you appreciate the things you have in your life and see things in a different light - be it people, technology , or simply yourself. did i mention that phones, mp3 players, etc. were confiscated for the duration of the whole program? oh, and there were no washing machines made available to us participants. you can imagine the piles of clothes in the sinks just waiting to be washed. that i definitely do not miss.
all in all, not a bad 6 (4 actually) months. it wasn't at all what i expected, but in way i'd like to think of it as a blessing. i miss my friends terribly. as well as the second home that i'd managed to make for myself. but i'll visit them both one day, when i'm rolling around in cash or when someone decides to get married, whichever comes first. i'm seriously hoping for the former.